The Holiday?
The Monday after the Super Bowl should be a National Holiday. I propose National Rehydration Day. We would honor the hangover correctly. Everyone stay home, drink water, and rest up because it is a long time until the next random “let’s go party!” day. Another option is to declare it National Overeating Awareness Day. So, each year, we can acknowledge the horrid effects of overeating the day after we do it so extravagantly. The haters will say, “The next national holiday should be election day!” I say, “Nah. More Americans watch the Super Bowl than vote…probably.”
Silly Ad
Sorry deodorant ad acting like people would be upset if their team won a game because a woman kicked the field goal, but NFL fans would literally cheer on a terrorist if it won them the big game. That’s not to say there isn’t sexism in the world. The astronaut ad about women was way more effective. It didn’t rely on believing that sports fans care about nothing more than winning. I mean, let’s just be realistic, if Bill Belichick thought that the most villainous person in the world would help him win a Superbowl, without being a distraction, he would hire them.
Halftime
If you didn’t know that the halftime show was going to be what it was when you saw that it was J-Lo and Shakira, I’m sorry I’ve got nothing for you. It's like going to Deadpool and being surprised by the violence and sexual innuendo. The Halftime show was entertaining and celebrated Miami, America, and excess. Speaking of excess, the Superbowl itself has become a celebration of excess. Honestly, I was worried that there were going to be a million Trump and Bloomberg ads because they each spent $10 million, however, $10 million can only buy you a one-minute ad at the Superbowl.
Commercials
Funny commercials > sappy commercials. I don’t want to think about the important issues in the world today. I want to be entertained! Leave me to laugh and watch football. I don’t need to think about dead grandma. No need to try and fix relations Google. We know that you data mine. Don’t try to mine for my tears too. Isn’t my search history enough? Also, please don’t come after me when you see this. The Google-run world needs some propaganda jesters, no? Feel free to hit me up with that million-dollar contract and you can data mine my mind. What’s that? You think I’m a sellout? No, I’m just changing the system from within. Don’t worry. After I earn a couple million I will come back for all of you….probably.
Oh yeah. The Game
Also, it was a good game. Too bad Jimmy G spends so much time hooking up with porn stars and not his wide-open receivers downfield. Is that too on the nose? Are we not allowed to turn phrases about pro athlete’s lifestyle choices? “Chad don’t hate on him; he is a person just like you. He has feelings!” Yes, that’s true and I am sure that right now he is able to use the MILLIONS OF DOLLARS he has to help alleviate those troubles while he has the longest vacation of any pro athlete. Football doesn’t come back till August. Honestly, I am so tired of people defending athletes like they are set upon by society. Society dictates that they get paid so much to play a children’s game. So, we can continue to critique them for their flaws. Being rich and famous doesn’t exempt you from criticism. In fact, people criticizing you makes you more of a human being than being exempt from it does. “Chad you don’t have to deal with that pressure!” Yes, true. I also don’t make MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO THROW A BALL. Honestly, if I ever make a million dollars doing anything, you can come to my place of work to critique me. Come on by. I'll dry my tears with my money. It will be a hoot.