I saw all of these exercise regiments for the quarantine online and I thought to myself, “What a bunch of hokum!” People said that if I just did 50 crunches a day, my whole life would change. They said I’d finally see results in my workout. I thought there was no way that it could be that simple, but alas I was wrong.
Just take a gander at the before and after photos from quarantine. HOLY MOLY!
During quarantine, I grew over 12 inches. Somehow, I also grew a beard from the exercising. Just look at the changes in the photo. Before I did these 50 crunches a day, I looked like a little boy at the age of 27 and then magically I hit puberty and grew like freaking Steve Rogers. Turns out you don’t need a super-solider serum. All you really need is to do 50 crunches a day. BAM! Life-changing.
Of course, I don’t look like at all like Chris Evans, but I didn’t take steroids. If I had taken steroids, could you imagine the results?
Sorry for doubting you all of you “healthy lifestyle influencers.” I was wrong. You were right. Correction: ARE RIGHT! This is all you need. I have drunk the Kool-Aid and come out the other side enlightened. No longer shall we question these people. They know the way. The Gospel according to Lizzie on Instagram or Bruce on Facebook. Thank you.
Like, I’m sitting here wondering what I’ll look like if I keep this up for a few years. 50 crunches a day and I’ll finally have the biceps I’ve always wanted. I don’t understand how it works, but all I know is that it does. In fact, the only thing that would make me surer that it works is if someone gave me money to do the 50 crunches while wearing expensive clothing and post it on social media. No ulterior motives here though!
So, what have we learned? 50 crunches a day+steroids+#RealLifeSuperSoldier.